There is nothing more selfish than to let problems you bring on yourself cause hell for those around you...cause those people who care about you to struggle, stress, and try to compensate for your failings...failings which, again, you brought upon yourself despite everyone's advice and sincere desire to help you...and all of which you could be alleviated if pride weren't your foremost flaw. I've seen it before, and I'm seeing it now with a relative.
Even more infuriating to watch (helpless to prevent it) someone you love spend every waking minute stress about you. You, who don't deserve it. Everyone should get a break...or two, or twenty. But everyone's given you that break time and again for years.
It's a basic concept seriously lacking on this planet: other people. It's so simple. Other people exist. Get used to that fact. Too many people believe existence revolves around them alone. It's like an infection that cannot be diagnosed.
Enough ranting. But, the core of this is pride. And I firmly believe this is the most dangerous personality trait of all. We all have it in varying degrees; no getting around that. But for many it's a defining trait.
From a book:ٰ
"...the more pride one had, the more one disliked pride in others. In fact, if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, 'How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or shove their oar in, or patronise me, or show off?' The point is that each person's pride is in competition with every one else's pride. It is because I wanted to be the big noise at the party that I am so annoyed at someone else being the big noise. Two of a trade never agree. Now what you want to get clear is that pride is essentially competitive - is competitive by its very nature - while other vices are competitive only, so to speak, by accident. Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone. That is why I say that pride is essentially competitive in a way the other vices are not. The sexual impulse may drive two men into competition if they both want the same girl. But that is only by accident; they might just as likely have wanted two different girls. But a proud man will take your girl from you, not because he wants her, but just to prove to himself that he is a better man than you. Greed may drive men into competition if there is not enough to go round; but the proud man, even when he has got more than he can possibly want, will try to get still more just to assert his power. Nearly all those evils in the world which people put down to greed or selfishness are really far more the result of pride.
"Take it with money. Greed will certainly make a man want money, for the sake of a better house, better holidays, better things to eat and drink. But only up to a point. What is it that makes a man with 40,000 a year anxious to get 80,000 a year? It is not the greed for more pleasure. 80,000 will give all the luxuries that any man can really enjoy. It is pride - the wish to be richer than some other rich man, and (still more) the wish for power. For, of course, power is what pride really enjoys: there is nothing makes a man feel so superior to others as being able to move them about like toy soldiers. What makes a pretty girl spread misery wherever she goes by collecting admirers? Certainly not her sexual instinct: that kind of girl is quite often sexually frigid. It is pride. What is it that makes a political leader or a whole nation go on and on, demanding more and more? Pride again. Pride is competitive by its very nature: that is why it goes on and on. If I am a proud man, then, as long as there is one man in the whole world more powerful, or richer, or cleverer than I, he is my rival and my enemy."